24, Episode: Day 7: 1:00 pm – 2:00 pm
This hour kicked off with Buchanan and Chloe Pulp Fiction-ing a semi-buried Agent Renee with adrenaline to revive her. While this worked, I still prefer my scenario in which Jack would have pistol-whipped a family of groundhogs until they agreed to burrow an underground escape route through which Renee would have crawled to safety.
Then, in a much needed coup d’état, Tony shot Emerson after he took Jack hostage, claiming to sense that something was up. Even though Jack was the one who came within inches of a bullet, it was Jack who asked Tony if he was OK. (Aww! Bromance!)
When President Taylor refused to comply with Dubaku’s demand to remove U.S. forces from Senegal, he put on his own private air show right outside the Oval Office window crashing two jets into each other. I’m sure the families of the passengers on those planes will be comforted to know that their loved ones died in the attempt to save a country with a Gross Domestic Product of $12 and whose major exports are textiles and typhoid. Book your vacation to Senegal today!
Meanwhile, while First Gentleman Henry Taylor (what exactly is the proper term for the emasculated husband of a ball-bustin’ female president? First Man? First Husband? Kevin Federline?), who had enjoyed a nice, hot coffee laced with a muscular paralytic (coming soon to Starbucks: the Neurotoxin Latte! Only $18.95.) courtesy of Agent Gedge, couldn’t do much to stop his captor from stabbing Samantha, he was able to regain just enough strength to drop that mofo off the balcony and choke him to death.
Finally, this hour ended with the most exciting news in 24 history: Jack’s coming to Ohio! Granted it’s not for sight-seeing but rather because Dubaku chose to attack a chemical plant in my home state. What can I say? This terrorist’s got good taste in targets! In case the 24 writers are running low on things for the cast to do in Ohio, I’ve come up with a few storylines:
1.) Jack must run up the glass pyramid side of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame building to stop a terrorist plot to steal a pair of Mick Jagger’s pants.
2.) Chloe thwarts the KGB when they trap Kim Bauer on the Millennium Force at Cedar Point, threatening to derail the coaster into Lake Erie.
3.) When Nina Myers comes back from the dead as an eco-terrorist and is spotted executing polar bears at the Columbus Zoo, Tony must enlist the help of Bobo the Gorilla to push Nina into the shark tank.
And in honor of Jack & Tony being reunited for this new season, we need to take a look at the greatest 24 moment that never was: Jack & Tony at a drive-thru!
--Ray
This hour kicked off with Buchanan and Chloe Pulp Fiction-ing a semi-buried Agent Renee with adrenaline to revive her. While this worked, I still prefer my scenario in which Jack would have pistol-whipped a family of groundhogs until they agreed to burrow an underground escape route through which Renee would have crawled to safety.
Then, in a much needed coup d’état, Tony shot Emerson after he took Jack hostage, claiming to sense that something was up. Even though Jack was the one who came within inches of a bullet, it was Jack who asked Tony if he was OK. (Aww! Bromance!)
When President Taylor refused to comply with Dubaku’s demand to remove U.S. forces from Senegal, he put on his own private air show right outside the Oval Office window crashing two jets into each other. I’m sure the families of the passengers on those planes will be comforted to know that their loved ones died in the attempt to save a country with a Gross Domestic Product of $12 and whose major exports are textiles and typhoid. Book your vacation to Senegal today!
Meanwhile, while First Gentleman Henry Taylor (what exactly is the proper term for the emasculated husband of a ball-bustin’ female president? First Man? First Husband? Kevin Federline?), who had enjoyed a nice, hot coffee laced with a muscular paralytic (coming soon to Starbucks: the Neurotoxin Latte! Only $18.95.) courtesy of Agent Gedge, couldn’t do much to stop his captor from stabbing Samantha, he was able to regain just enough strength to drop that mofo off the balcony and choke him to death.
Finally, this hour ended with the most exciting news in 24 history: Jack’s coming to Ohio! Granted it’s not for sight-seeing but rather because Dubaku chose to attack a chemical plant in my home state. What can I say? This terrorist’s got good taste in targets! In case the 24 writers are running low on things for the cast to do in Ohio, I’ve come up with a few storylines:
1.) Jack must run up the glass pyramid side of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame building to stop a terrorist plot to steal a pair of Mick Jagger’s pants.
2.) Chloe thwarts the KGB when they trap Kim Bauer on the Millennium Force at Cedar Point, threatening to derail the coaster into Lake Erie.
3.) When Nina Myers comes back from the dead as an eco-terrorist and is spotted executing polar bears at the Columbus Zoo, Tony must enlist the help of Bobo the Gorilla to push Nina into the shark tank.
And in honor of Jack & Tony being reunited for this new season, we need to take a look at the greatest 24 moment that never was: Jack & Tony at a drive-thru!
--Ray
