Sterling-Spoofer

You gotta love SNL’s Mad Men skit with Jon Hamm as host.



Peggy (Elisabeth Moss) and Roger (John Slattery) stopped by to help out but the star of the goof was Bill Hader’s priceless impression of Salvatore (AKA “gay guy”). “Who? Meeee?!”

Speaking of which, how brill was Sunday night’s finale?! It seems like we’re getting one shock per finale: last year it was Peggy’s surprise baby delivery (OK, I admit, I was basically the only one who didn’t call that) and this year it was Betty’s naughty bar backroom tryst with… Bar Backroom Tryst Guy! Sonia thinks Betty, in an effort to procure an abortion, will claim her baby is actually BBTG’s but I think it was just a physical statement of sexual autonomy (albeit a secret one) to match Don’s philandering. Remember last season when Don yelled at her for wearing a skimpy bikini at a country club fashion show? I’d be willing to bet an admonition like that would earn him a big middle finger from our new, repression-free heroine.

Is it time for season 3 yet?

--Ray

Bimbo Limbo

Chuck, Episode: Chuck Versus the Cougars

Trend alert!

Is primetime network television the new post-jail/rehab probation/limbo for Hollywood’s bad girls?

All of our favorite cocaine-snortin’, Red Bull-vodka-swillin’ celebutantes seem to have something else in common besides having shots of their hoo-has plastered all over the net.

First, the one and only (It’s) Britney (, Bitch!) Spears decided a bit part (or should we say, Brit part? ZING!) as a secretary on the CBS sitcom How I Met Your Mother in March was the perfect way to help her forget that minor mental breakdown/conservatorship that cost her her kids and her record for never having an album debut lower than #1. (She reprised her role in another episode in May.)

Then in April, Paris Hilton celebrated being sprung from her 22-day stint in jail last year by playing the only role she can successfully play: herself, in an episode of My Name is Earl.

We’ve been enjoying/skeptically observing Lindsay Lohan’s guestrole on Ugly Betty since last year’s minor “Yeah, there was coke in my pocket but they weren’t my pants” snafu.

So it was only a matter of time before the last member of this fatuous foursome showed up on a random network TV show in a random, throwaway role.

Well lo and behold, I’m watching last Monday night’s Chuck (or as I like to call it, Seth Cohen Facsimile) when none other than Nicole Richie, AKA the only heroin addict to ever successfully deliver a non-stillborn child, pops up playing one of Sarah’s old highschool friends who turns out to be a spy.

Jeers to the Chuck writers for not only staging a chick fight to Prodigy’s “Smack My Bitch Up” (they already did that in the Charlie’s Angels movie!) but for staging it in a lockeroom shower in which a burst pipe doused Mrs. Joel Madden with water and then for making it seem as if we were supposed to enjoy this. Yeah, because there’s nothing that turns on red-blooded American males quite like a wet Nicole Richie. (She looked like a chihuahua just rescued from a drainage pipe.)

So, is this Hollywood’s way of saying, “Yeah, we don’t really trust in your sobriety enough to bet a multimillion-dollar feature film on it, so we’ll give you 22 to 44 minutes of a moderately popular TV show and if you don’t completely f**k that up, we might let you do a low-budget horror movie or a bad romcom with Matthew McConaughey”? And who’s next? Kirsten Dunst on ER? Amy Winehouse on Mad Men? (Actually, she’s got the right hairdo for that.) Please, make it stop!

--Ray

Waif Keeping

This is Silver. She lives in Beverly Hills, CA where food and clean drinking water are plentiful but, for some reason, she doesn’t seem to have access to them.

For just 70 cents a day*, you can provide Silver with 3 daily meals** (she only eats organic celery and dolphin-safe albacore tuna sushi rolls), clean drinking water ($7-a-bottle Fiji water, room temperature with a crushed up methadrine tablet dissolved in it), and clothing (mid-'90s heroin-chic, size zero Miu Miu sleeveless frocks that highlight jutting clavicles). We here at Feed the Children know pictures like these are difficult to look at and you may want to look away or skip to the next blog entry, but with your help, we can take on global hunger.

--Ray

*Due to the above mentioned sushi dietary restrictions, Feed the Children may require 432 easy payments of 70 cents a day.

**Feed the Children does not offer a refund if the food you purchase is regurgitated by its recipient.

Frustration Island

The Lost season 5 promos have hit the web!



I must admit, I was this close to not only leaving Lost out of my forthcoming ranking of my top 5 TV dramas, I was even considering giving it a dishonorable mention. First, there was that annoying Desmond-centric episode all about time travel and electromagnetism that sexually excited all the nerd viewers and lulled all us normal viewers to sleep (yes, I’m still allowed to classify myself as a non-nerd because I’ve never seen Star Wars). Then, that whole “moving the island” finale from May was the straw that broke the camel’s back—it pushed the series from subtle, intelligent, coherent Spielbergian sci-fi to inane, cartoonish, insipid, eyeroll-inducing George Lucasian sci-fi. But still, I’m not even gonna pretend there’s a chance in hell I won’t tune in this January. There’re always Sawyer’s nicknames to enjoy!

And season 4 did get at least one thing right: they finally killed of Michael!

WA-HA-HA-HA-HAAAALT!

--Ray

***Update: Sorry, those Fascists at ABC have pulled the leaked trailer off YouTube. You'll see it sooner or later.

Fave 5 - Comedy

Before I delve into my list of TV musts, I’d like to point out that EVERY SINGLE ENTRY on Sonia’s list is a show I physically (sometimes violently) forced her to watch on DVD and only allowed her to return said DVDs when a knowledge of the content that showed watching comprehension was displayed. (Alas, I still couldn’t stop her from some fast-forwarding here and there.)

OK, here are my Top 5 current TV Comedies (dramas to follow) …

5. Desperate Housewives (ABC) This unique suburban satire mixed with a soap has certainly had its missteps along the way (the Betty Applewhite season with the killer ‘tard locked in the basement; Mary Alice’s ridiculously obvious narration: “A secret is something you don’t tell people.” Thanks Mary Alice!), but there’s still no place on TV like Wisteria Lane—a den of iniquity, mystery, comedy, and bulimia. (That last one’s for Teri Hatcher.) The 5-year fast-forward is working wonders for the show’s creativity and they’ve finally found something for Gabby (Eva Longoria, the most underrated housewife) to do after 4 seasons of her character having to undergo the tired, weekly edition of “Gabby Does Something Funny in Heels.” (Season 5 currently airing)

4. It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia (FX) The best show you've never heard of features the most misanthropic cast of characters assembled since the latest Cheney family reunion. Just take a quick glance at the episode titles and you’ll see the caliber of people we’re dealing with: there’s brother and sister Dennis and Dee (Glenn Howerton and Kaitlin Olson) who take selfishness to a whole new level (Dennis once ran away from her in a back alley leaving her to be mugged; Dee once feigned mental retardation in an attempt to go on welfare), their not-father Frank (Danny DeVito), narcissistic Mac (Rob McElhenney), and loveable Charlie (Charlie Day) who is functionally illiterate and is the product of a failed abortion. Each ridiculously hilarious, irreverent, and, for the most part, improvised episode features an I Love Lucy-esque scheme in which the gang tries to get rich and/or famous. Now that I think about it, it’s a lot like Lucy if Lucy and Ethel were in a perpetual state of semi-drunkenness and Lucy regularly sucker-punched Ethel in the jaw. (Season 4 currently airing.)

3. The Office (NBC) While the British version was incredibly brilliant, the creators of the American version did the series right by replacing the very British acerbic contempt all the characters at the Wernham Hogg paper company had for each other with the very American surreptitious camaraderie the Dunder-Mifflinites share. Michael Scott (Steve Carrell) remains the most hilariously pathetic character in primetime—a man so in need of a friend and so deluded in the overestimation of his own personality that he clings to non-friend Jim like a monkey to a tree branch. Forget financial success, Michael represents the true all-American goal: getting to hang out with the cool kids. (Season 5 currently airing.)

2. 30 Rock (NBC) Following in the grand tradition of Arrested Development, Tina Fey’s 30 Rock basks in the glow of Emmy (Best Comedy Series, 2007) after Golden Globe (Best Actor, 2007; Best Actress, 2008) after Emmy (Best Comedy Series, 2008), after SAG award (Best Actor and Actress, 2008) after Emmy (Best Actor and Actress, 2008; Best Writing, 2008) but still boasts an audience so small, when Fey accepted one of the aforementioned awards, she thanked “our dozens and dozens of viewers.” There just doesn’t seem to be any way to convince the general public to watch (if this scene doesn’t convince you, nothing will) and it’s in dangerous cancellation territory. Please, help save the only national show to ever give Cleveland such a loving (albeit slightly sarcastic) shout out! (Season 3 premieres October 30.)

1. Weeds (Showtime) If one were to place Nancy Botwin (Mary-Louise Parker) on the feminist continuum in which June Cleaver was a 1 and the vodka-soaked strumpets of Sex and the City were a 10, Nancy would be about a 15. It’s daunting to even consider the genius Parker must possess to play a character who is shamelessly the worst mother ever portrayed on a non-Cops show (she blatantly ignores her kids, endangers their lives, and permits them to be accomplices in her illegal drug deals) and, at the same time, one of the most endearing, sympathetic, and admirable characters we've seen. (She's also made an iced coffee a de rigueur fashion accessory.) Add to that the fact that series creator Jenji Kohan continually infuses Weeds with endless bon mots on the subjects of familial, sexual, and American politics and you get the most intelligently hilarious show on TV. And forget DH, Weeds was this year’s champion of reinvention by completely changing the location of the show and giving us a finale that completely shocked us (I won’t expand because I know my co-blogger is behind) and will take the show in yet another direction for next season. (Season 5 begins in 2009).

Honorable mentions: Greek (ABC Family), Ugly Betty (ABC), Curb Your Enthusiasm (HBO)

Dishonorable mention: Entourage (HBO) The problem with this show is that there is no Big! I know, it’s such a cliché to refer to Entourage as the male version of SATC, but if I wanted to see an endless revolving door of scantily clad ho-bags, the internet is my oyster! Now if I’m going to invest in the characters of a series, especially one that’s now in its fifth season (and has been renewed for a sixth), there really needs to be some semblance of a through line here. Entourage also needs to stop relying on Ari Gold (Jeremy Piven) for 97% of its laughs (Lloyd (Rex Lee) provides the other 3%). Let those four schlubs who are supposed to be the main characters get in on the action. And enough about Medellín already! It flopped, now move on!

--Ray

Drape' Escape

Mad Men, Episode: "The Jet Set"

Don Draper running loose in L.A.: what good can possibly come of this?!

I’m sure my fellow bluddy (that’s blog buddy for those of you who aren’t up on the hip lingo) Sonia was thrilled with a Betty Draper-free episode but did anyone else notice how the 21-year-old L.A. lady (who was no blue-jean baby… sorry, I couldn’t resist) Don picked up sounded exactly like Betty? Loved how the writers shamelessly played on the “everyone in California is a whackjob” stereotype by highlighting the slightly incestuous group of bored bon vivants who played as his hosts.

Back on the east coast, after finding out that her date Kurt was a ‘mo, Peggy got a makeover instead of getting laid. When did Mad Men become Queer Eye for the Straight Guy?

--Ray

Bristolnacht

Skins, Episode: “Maxxie and Tony”

Time for a break from housewives and Seattle Grace residents to check in with an obscure TV show. Last night was the season 2 premiere of Skins, a phenomenal British series that follows a group of kids in Bristol, which may be the best show ever about highschoolers. It’s the perfect mix of seriousness and soap—think Friday Night Lights with sometimes-indecipherable, eurotrash-chic cockney accents instead of sometimes-indecipherable west Texas accents. After last week’s season 1 finale (the show originally ran last year on England's E4 channel; we’re getting seasons 1 and 2 back to back on BBC America, albeit with all the bleeps and blurs required for a puritanical American audience), Tony’s brain damage from his accident has quickly brought him from lothario to loser. (Jason Street, are you out there?!) This show has an amazing ability to garnish heartwrenchingly sad story arcs such as sickness and parental abandonment with irreverant humor.

To give you an idea of what an average episode of Skins looks like, I’ve embedded the season 1 trailer below. Move over Serena van der Woodsen! Your cocaine-fueled "murder" is so High School Musical by comparison!



Yeah, we'd party like that too if we had universal healthcare and a drinking age of 9!

--Ray

Million Dollar (Cry)Baby

Desperate Housewives, Episode: “Kids Ain’t Like Everybody Else”

In the red corner…. he’s the son of an ex-con, ex-comatose plumber and an emaciated children’s author whom no one has ever actually witnessed writing… boasting a rape whistle his mommy gave him… weighing in at 31 lbs. 6 oz…. it’s MJ “Mama’s Boy” Delfino!

And in the blue corner… she’s the daughter of a blind masseuse and a disgruntled former model who’s fallen from grace… weighing in at 205 lbs. 4 oz…. she floats/sinks like a butterfly/rock and stings like a bee… it’s Juanita “The Porker” Solis!

These fisticuffs were the highpoint of last night’s DH. I’d rather be pelted with hot animal feces than be forced to listen to Tom Scavo and Edie’s husband Dave’s “jam sessions” anymore. If Mike and Orson join up as promised, we’ll need to come up with some possible band names:

Stuffed Crust (if pizzeria owner Tom is the lead singer)
Dental Dam (if dentist Orson is the lead singer)
Flushing Queens (if plumber Mike is the lead singer and gay Andrew Van De Kamp is a groupie)

--Ray

DVR Deluge - Part Deux

Is everyone prepared for tonight's major DVR blowout?! Poor ol' Bertha Lou (yes, I named my DVR) will be working overtime tonight. Here's a preview...

8pm Ugly Betty (ABC)

8:30pm Kath & Kim (NBC) Molly Shannon and Selma Blair (pictured) are going toe-to-toe as mother and daughter in this series premiere, a British import. Early buzz says it’s bad, but critics always hate comedies initially and then by January are telling us it’s brilliant (they did that to us with The Office and 30 Rock).

9pm The Office (NBC)

9pm Grey’s Anatomy (ABC) This episode better be free of icicles.

9:30pm SNL: Weekend Update Thursday (NBC) Rumors are swirling that the Queen Moose herself Sarah Palin will be making a cameo on this special, the first of three primetime election round-ups. Can't wait for a Fey/Palin face-off! "I can see Russia from my house!"

10pm It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia (FX) The title of tonight’s episode of this incredibly hilarious yet ratings-challenged show is “Who Pooped the Bed?” Need I say more?

10pm Eleventh Hour (CBS) This series premiere is the one we’re most likely to leave on ol' Bertha Lou for 2 weeks then delete. It’s yet another CSI rip-off and with no one mildly famous in the cast, our interest level is not registering at all on the TV Richter scale.

10pm Life on Mars (ABC) Despite our aversion to sci-fi and time travel, this series premiere (about a cop who gets knocked unconscious and wakes up in the ‘70s) features Harvey Keitel and (unibrow alert!) Michael Imperioli so we may have check it out. I just don't know if Imperioli will be any good without good ol' Adrianna. ("Christophuh! You sat on Cosette!")

10:30pm Testees (FX) Along with its hilarious double entendre title, this series premiere also boasts one of the best premises we’ve ever heard of: a bunch of people who make money by undergoing experimental medical procedures and taking non-FDA-approved drugs. Sign me up! (For the show, not the procedures.)

Click click*,

Ray

*That's goodbye in Igbo, an African language. Sonia thinks she's Ms. Multiculti? Match that!

Too Gross for Comfort

Welcome to our new feature where we recognize the nastiest recent line of TV dialog. Our first winner is…

“I broke my water myself… with a knitting needle!” --Molly Madison (played by Amy Acker), a patient on Private Practice.

All together now: EW!

Whatever happened to the good, ol’ fashioned clothes hanger?!

--Ray